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Monday, November 14, 2011

I don't know anymore

I'm afraid things will never be the same again. Even after it happened once I believe it will never be the same but now the second time around it's not as heartbreaking yet I feel so lost and my life feels like a lie. My school work is going downhill rapidly because I can't concentrate and I am starting to feel hopeless and without direction again after I was so driven and excited for new goals and prospects in my life. 
         What will hapen now that It looks like I've yet wasted another school semester and more money? Why should I have to live up to other peoples expectations instead of just being myself and doing whatI feel like doing , after all it is MY life and MY mind. I should be doing whatever makes me happy and if being successful is a product of that then that would be great. Ugh I'm falling apart again I can feel it. I just wish circumstances in my life didn't have to affect me mentally and my goals. It's all one big ugly cycle that I'm not sure how to or If I s subconsciously want to get out of... 
         I feel like I just need to get out of here and spend some time all by myself, move to downtown los angeles and just do what I want. Am I just wasting time or do I really need to stick with these goals I thought I had to finish because I wanted to please people, are these goals truly for myself? Fuck people and their expectations.

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